gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
