My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
