if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
