can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
