I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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