ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
