The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
