well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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