Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
