Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
