Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
