I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
