I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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