my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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