after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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