life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
