I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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