She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
