Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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