he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
