my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
