meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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