i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
