I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize