she looked like the bat from fern gully.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
