just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
