Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
