I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize