she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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