Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
