it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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