This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
