what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
