Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
