I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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