we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
