So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
