what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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