You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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