I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
