i used baking grease as lip gloss
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
