The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
