Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
