u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
