I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
