so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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