Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
