I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
