you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
