Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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