I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
