what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just gargled with NyQuil
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize