i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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