I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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