I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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