I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize