True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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