just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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