drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
