No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
