the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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