Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am midnight drunk by noon
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
