Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
