Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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