wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
