At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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