i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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