Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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