who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
True college students do jello shots in the library
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