this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
