mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
