all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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