So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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