True but thats because hes a fetus.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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