she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
