id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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