So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
