I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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